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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the words gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most popular memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {