These Words shared by My Dad That Helped Me when I became a New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - going on a short trip away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."